Nuts In General
Whoever came up with the slogan “Safety First” ought to be exiled. No kidding. It was created by someone with good intentions, but so were a lot of other asinine things. This safety thing has gotten way out of hand. It has gone beyond good common sense and is out of control. For instance, I just finished reading a story about an Australian cowboy who fell off his horse and was trampled to death in 2001. His sole protection was his hat. The government of New South Wales brought charges against the ranch owner who employed the cowboy. The ranch was convicted and fined $72,000 for breach of safety. I didn’t realize cowboys brought so much, but I guess they are going up like everything else. Can you imagine that? Now, you may argue that this would not happen in the United States, but you might be surprised how many nuts you’ll find in this country that agree with the ruling. Scary isn’t it?
Can you imagine how much our western culture would change without the cowboy hat? What would a “cowboy helmet” look like? Perhaps like a Viking helmet with longhorns? How about going out to a branding and seeing 26 cowboys wearing helmets instead of their customary hats? It looks to me like they would have to redesign the rope just to get it over the helmet. Of course the pinheads that come up with these ridiculous rules never have to perform the tasks they are trying to make you safe doing. Next they’d have you install handlebars on your horses and anti-buck safety nets that discharge as soon as your butt leaves the saddle. Have you ever heard of the “Hat Ranch”? They would have to change their name to the “Helmet & Handlebar Cattle Company”. At least there would be a good market for army surplus helmets. Heck, at the rodeo a cowboy wouldn’t have to fan his bronc anymore; he could just knock them out with his helmet. Of course, I’m sure some animal rights wacko person would bring a suit about that. Speaking of which I’m sure you have noticed PBR bullfighters trying to save cowboys after they buck off. How come you never see an animal rights wacko down in the arena trying to save the 2000lb. bull from the 136lb. cowboy? The animal rights wackos just aren’t as committed to their cause as they say they are.
To combat this ever growing problem I thought we should organize a “Million Cowboy March” against Washington. Then I realized that there probably aren’t a million cowboys. Oh well, that doesn’t really matter because the “Million Man March” and the “Million Mom March” didn’t have the numbers either, but they still called it that. Geez, maybe that qualifies cowboys for extinction protection from the Sierra Club and Greenpeace. Naw, I think cowboys would just rather be extinct than hook up with those outfits. Then I got to thinking we should have the “Million Cow March”. I’m sure we’d have the numbers, but you can’t fly within 23 miles of Washington so we couldn’t feed by air drop. However, I bet if we told “W” we were coming he’d open the gates and let us graze those cattle on the White House lawn.
The best way I know to combat these liberal nuts is to not elect them. I always figured if I were ever going to run for office I would run on the “Do Nothing & Repeal” platform. We’d all be better off if Congress just did nothing and didn’t pass anymore laws restricting our life in the name of safety. How many cowboys have been saved since the seatbelt law went into effect? Of the 2 that were, were they even worth saving? Yup, in my stump speech I would tell folks how I wouldn’t make any new laws to hinder them and I’d do my best to repeal the ones that were. As cowboys aren’t large enough in numbers to affect the outcome of an election, I think we should give cows the right to vote. Now don’t laugh, the liberals have been using cemetery inhabitants and illegal aliens for years. A few extra “moos” here and there just might help things.